How to Pass Gas with Class (ala Jobo)

(1) Try the dispersal technique
Make up an excuse to cross the room. With every step silently release gas in controlled quantities, one step at a time.

(2) Try the blame game
Point at nearest person when you release gas and say: "Chester (or the name of the person nearest you), you farted again!!"

(3) Create a distraction
Before passing gas, say "Look, a three headed man on a donkey!" then fart. Nobody will notice, believe me!

(4) Get flowers
When you release gas say "Hmmmmm, lilacs (or whatever flower scent). Just make sure the flower really smells good!

(5) If all else fails, just say: "Oopppps, sorry I farted" and smile your cutest, sweetest smile. Or, better yet, give an early warning like, "Excuse me, i'm gonna fart...in three, two, one kabooom!". And go ahead and let loose! Ahhh, works all the time!!! Refreshing!

**These words of wisdom were shared to you by Jobo, with a little help from Mommy and Bryzzia, as well as Sophia**

Elbows...

Jobo has a fetish for elbows... yes, elbows! No, not his elbows.... other's elbows! My elbows, his dad's elbows, Auntie Cita's elbows, Lolo and Lola's elbows, Bryzzia's elbows, Sophia's elbows, his friends' elbows, his classmates' elbows, his teacher's elbows, our Pastor's elbow, even a stranger's elbow (given the chance!)... oh yes, elbows, elbows, elbows!!!! This started when he was a toddler when he would substitute my "dede" with my elbows (don't ask me why!!!), i would wonder if he actually gets milk from my elbows! And then he realized i was not the only one in the planet who had this part of the body.

Sleeping with him is a nightmare if you are one who needs to count sheep first before falling asleep. Because Jobo cannot doze off without touching somebody else's elbow! And so before falling asleep, you need to go into acrobatics with Jobo trying to grab your elbow no matter how you try to desperately make sure he does not get hold of it. He does this even with his eyes closed! What does he do as soon as he successfully gets hold of your elbow, oh... he stretches the skin, pinches, tickles, if he gets too carried away, he would even lick and suck. Like i said he ADORES elbows!

An example:

When he was in kindergarten he had a classmate named Michaela. A plump, healthy, long-haired girl who would really get so irritated every time Jobo goes near her. I never understood the reason why until one day i was at school while they were lining-up and witnessed why this sweet thing was so pissed off with my son.

While lining up, my son surreptitiously goes at the back of Michaela.

As they were singing "Lupang Hinirang" he starts to tug at Michaela's elbow, with sound effects:

Jobo: u-u-u-u-u-u

Michaela: aaaay, yaaaaak, yuckkky ka talaga!!!!! (and starts to push Jobo away)

Jobo: (satisfied for his successful quest acts like nothing happened)

The teacher realizes the commotion walks towards Jobo and Michaela.

Jobo: ang mamatay ng dahil sa 'yo

On our way home I asked Jobo:

Mommy: Why do you like Michaela?

Jobo: Because her elbow is as fluffy as your elbow!!!!

Yesterday before bedtime as he was again pinching, stroking and tugging at my elbow, i asked him:

Mommy: Why do you like elbows?

Jobo: Because they give me energy!!!

Jobo, my funny jobo, part 3

• Jobo's expression now is "ACTUALLY". He uses this word so many times in a day i have lost count! one example:

Auntie: Hmmmpppp, you already have bad

breath you should brush your teeth...

Jobo: Actually Auntie, that's the smell of

my fart!

• Another example:

Mommy: Jobo come, can you please see if

i have white hair and pull them out?

Jobo: Haaah, but it's dark...

Mommy: Switch on the light then.

Jobo: But i'm tired...

Mommy: I'll pay you...

Jobo: yes, Yes, yes, how much????

Mommy: Hmmm, one peso for every

white hair you pull out...

Jobo: ok, ok...

Mommy: Awwww, slowly...

After a few minutes...

Mommy: so, how many did you get?

Jobo: Here, five...

Mommy: huh, why so konti, i felt you pulling so much?

Jobo: Hehehehe, actually, i pulled out about one thousand only... five were white...sorry!!!

Jobo my funny Jobo part 2

• Jobo loved sleeping (he still does) with Auntie Cita in her bedroom. This to him is a SPECIAL TREAT because before sleeping they play games on the computer, read together and all that fun stuff. Before sleeping, Jobo is always reminded to pray. He used to pray "Angel of God my guardian dear....", but eventually learned to make his own prayer. When he was about three years old, his prayers would always be for God to bless everybody, enumerating every person he knows and remembers. One night he prayed:

"Jesus, bless my Mommy, daddy, bryzzia, sophia, mama, papa, auntie, uncle rommel, auntie kris, jenna, aivril....

Medyo ginanahan: "bless my playmates, bless auntie pat (our neighbor), bless uncle ramon (our cousin)...."

Kulang pa: "bless my kukok (his pet rooster that daddy bought for him), bless the cats, hmmmmmm who else? aaah i know, bless the cockroach....

• One night Auntie read a book for him before going to sleep. As he was getting too sleepy, Auntie started to read a magazine.

Jobo: I am soooo sleepy, good night auntie.

Auntie: Good night Jobo

Jobo: You will still read?

Auntie: Yes, i am not yet sleepy

Jobo: Oh, OK, goodnight auntie iloveyou

Auntie: Goodnight pleasant dreams.

The following day, as Auntie woke up, Jobo was still sound asleep so Auntie decided to continue reading the magazine while waiting for Jobo to wake up.

Jobo: (pupungas-pungas pa, looks at Auntie and finds her reading)

You are still reading...you did not sleep????

• Jobo is crazy over Warcraft (computer game). Since his "groundment", we have not allowed him to play. So he just "imagines" the creatures he has so far "met" through the game. The other day while getting dressed for school he started imagining. I played along with him:

Jobo: Ork are creatures in warcraft...

Mommy: Oh, ok.

Jobo: Orks are funny, they do a lot of "gross" stuff...

Mommy: Oh so you are an ork.

Jobo: No i am not

Mommy: yes you are you do a lot of ork stuff

Jobo: huh...

Mommy: yes, and you even have "smelly feet"

Jobo: (smells his foot!) oh yah...and i drool when i sleep..

Mommy: oh yes...

Jobo: and i eat very fast...

Mommy: correct!

Jobo: hmmmmm, and i annoy my sisters a lot

Mommy: oh yes, that too.

Jobo: hmmmm, maybe i am not an ork but i have the abilities of an ork!

You know, i drool, i have smelly feet, i annoy my sisters, i do gross things...

Mommy: oh no, i have an "ork" son!

Jobo's 9th birthday

My one and only baby boy, MYGZ JOBO JOSE, turned nine years old a week ago (October 7) which fell on a Sunday. A few days before and up to the day before his birthday, it was raining like mad in Baguio so we agreed to postpone whatever it was that we were planning to do in celebration of his birthday. He did not have any choice because i explained that his playmates will not be able to come anyway with the rain and all.

But surprise...On the day of his birthday, he woke up realizing it was actually a beautiful day, with the sun out, without any trace of impending rain. And so, everybody got as excited as he was! The poor me, busy catching up with the laudry, had to make calls to his "regular" playmates to please save the afternoon for an instant celebration of Jobo's birthday. And so, right after doing the laundry that morning, church service from 10:30 to 12:00, rushing to the grocery for the "instant handa", we did have a small party with his closest playmates. We had spaghetti, chicken and cheese fillet, hotdog, popcorn, juice and cake (a gift from Tita Cherie). No loot bags, no ice-cream (the kids just recovered from bronchitis), no party games (no time for planning all these), no balloons and so no pictures to upload and share!

I ended up really exhausted from all the rush. My sister Cita was just as tired. We were a two-man team as Bong had to service his korean students to Church. We did it really well we would joke one another saying we could put up a "rush catering service", for "rush birthday parties" for kids whose parents are too busy to plan parties for their kids.

Tired as I was, at the end of the day (it was actually almost midnight when the last guests left), Jobo made it all worthwhile when he said in his "remarks-that-could-floor-you" kind of way..."Mommy, this was the BESTEST birthday party i ever had!"

Sign that Let You Know Your "Baby" is no longer a "baby"

An old post from my Multiply site. Sophia, my "baby" turned 7 this month. I am sure this will make moms like me smile with memories of their own "babies" as they developed from the dependent, sleeping all the time infants to the terrible twos, to "all-knowing" pre-schoolers...

-- "where" to sleep is a major decision
-- she calls you at work to remind you to buy bread, soap, joy ultra, etcetera, etcetera ending her reminder with "Mom, don't forget. OK?"
-- after seeing the pig parts you are cleaning for "dinakdakan" she declares that she is a vegetarian but when you serve burger she calmly says "once-in-a-while lang naman"
-- when you warn her to stop making "mess" or else you will let her wash the dishes, she answers excitedly "ok mom, i'll do it!!! and she actually washes the dishes by herself!
-- she is the self-appointed ruler of the TV and dictates what TV show to watch at what time and which shows are good for you and which are not
-- she puts away the clothes you ironed for her to wear to church and chooses a mini-skirt, a backless blouse and pink stockings as her get-up. (and this happens all the time!)
-- you get home from work and surprisingly find that your room is clean, she proudly tells you she did the cleaning herself.
-- she sees the clothes you soaked in soap, she pulls a stool and declares "I will do the soap part, mommy"
-- she issues an "executive order" declaring Sundays as ice-cream days! When she is down with tonsillitis, she tells everybody it is ok to have ice-cream, she is drinking her medicine anyway
-- she corrects your grammatically wrong sentences
-- she insists on buying shoes with high heels for her awards banquet because she wants to be seen wearing these when she goes up the stage. she also puts on make-up before you leave for the program so she will look good in her pictures!!!
-- her sentences begin with "actually" and end with "OK"
-- her hair has to stay long so she can put maarte clips and bling-blings but you cannot, even if you paid her, braid or pony tail her hair because braids or pony tails are not for ladies
- she has her own set of "telebabad" friends
- the prospect of having visitors excites her because she loves entertaining
- she decides to learn writing in cursive even if she's only entering Grade 1 this school year
- she prefers boots with heels over barbie shoes to go with her school uniform
- when her siblings bring home homework, she talks to her teacher asking her to assign her some work as well
- she shampoos her own hair, and she does it really well

You know she will always be your baby when ...
- she still sleeps with her teddy bear or her goldfish pillow
or her doll Ansherrina and her security blankie
- she asks for a bedtime story before sleeping and prays "Angel of God my guardian dear" even if you insist she prays her "own" prayer
-- she loves it when you kiss her neck,
--she loves hugging you and falling asleep on your lap while you watch your favorite teleserye
- she volunteers to get a glass of water for you, mixes you a juice drink, spares a portion of her food so you can taste some
- she declares "Mom, you are the best mommy in the whole wide world even if you are FAT and FLUFFY!"
- she patiently pulls out your white hair even if you don't pay her for doing it
- she reminds you to take your medicine when you are not feeling well
- she watches Art Attack, makes her own project and hands it to you when you get home to say "I love you"
- she is willing to give up her favorite Ice Cream flavor "moo" over "double dutch" which is your favorite.
- she is willing to wake up early on Sunday mornings because it is "chapel time" and you told her you love attending "chapel" with the whole family
- she will eat chicken instead of pizza because she knows "mom n dad have no money today"
-- she gets jealous when you say you want another "baby brother" or sister so she will have another playmate
-- the medals and awards she got are all dedicated to you even if she did not wait for you to reach the stage to pin her medal because you were "too slow"
-- she cries at the thought of you having "many white hair" because it means you will be old and "not too strong" and "sick"
-- when she does pray her own prayer, she begins it with "Jesus please bless my mommy" don't let her get sick...
That's when you feel, no matter how complicated or simple life is, you feel complete because you were given the opportunity to take care of God's children.

Tadah

Tadah...finally my own blog spot!
My friend Leah introduced me to this world of blogging. I am amazed at how prolific a blogger she is.
She asked me to be a guest writer in one of her sites. After she posted one of my contributions about my daughter Bryzzia, i got so many varied reactions from moms like me and that got me rolling. So i thought, wow, this could be fun!
So here i am, thanks to this new technology and all those who invented it. I do not need paper and pen to write down my thoughts (i used to do that when i was in high school).
I pray that you welcome me into this world of blogging.
A little about me... i am a mother of three kids (2 girls and 1 boy), i work at a public utility company from 8:00 am to 5:00 pm, born, raised and educated in the beautiful City of Baguio.